18 December 2014

My Last Moments with Mama

I never thought I would lose my Mom too soon but death did take her life unexpectedly and I personally was caught unprepared. We were still chatting on Facebook a month before she died. I was even glad because she and Papa just submitted themselves to routine lab exams without me telling them to. However, death is really like a thief in the night and took away my mom's life in a span of one month. 

The moment I knew she was admitted in the hospital, I got scared. I could not keep myself still. I was even more afraid when I learned that she's in a very difficult situation like the hospital scenarios I used to get involved with when patients are battling between life and death. I terribly cried upon seeing her pictures and I could not imagine that her every breath at that time was solely dependent on the breathing machine she was put on. 

I was so lost then. I could not eat well. I lost focus at work. I sometimes break out and cry because I can't help it. I got preoccupied of the many possibilities that might happen -- whether she's going to survive and be saved, or the other way around which happened to be my greatest fear -- my fear of losing her.

The first time I saw her in her most difficult situation, I held back my tears. I didn't want her to see me cry. I talked to her in a soft, yet shaky voice that I've gone home for her. My heart's been crumpled and in pain having to witness the physical changes within her. It was totally different, I should say. The most heartwarming and the most significant part at that moment was when she extended her left arm, attempted to hug me which eventually made me bent down to hug and kiss her, with tears in her eyes. I cried heavily when I was out from her sight. My mom should not have suffered that much. A very good person like my Mom did not deserve to suffer. In the next few hours, the family have decided to let her go. It was actually hard telling her to let go because we won't be seeing her anymore but it was more heartbreaking if she had to continuously hold on. We prayed for one thing at that time -- that she would be as comfortable as possible until she's ready to let go.

I was there with Mama moments before she died. She was more comfortable and relaxed compared to the first two days since I got home. I've seen her deteriorating. I held her hand, rubbed her arm, talked to her -- with tears in my eyes. When the cardiac monitor evidently went to flat line, I kissed her in the forehead, hugged her for the last time, and whispered, "You are finally pain-free, Mama. I will miss you terribly. The Heavens are excited to welcome another good soul such as yours."



26 November 2014

One Fine Day



It's that one fine day
When everything seems to be in place
When all your worries have been erased
And this one pic seems to soothe the depths of my soul

My Heartbreaking Story

When I was told to go home because Mom wasn't doing any good, I was able to buy a ticket within four hours and the flight taking place in the next 24 hours. Immediately informed my superior that I won't be reporting for work anymore. The whole time I endured my almost 24-hour flight, I was preoccupied with thoughts of how I would react seeing mom in her most difficult situation. The moment I saw her, my heart got crumpled because she was indeed suffering. I wanted to cry but I didn't want her to see me cry. I held back my tears trying not to let them fall. I was very much happy when she extended her hand, acting like she's gonna hug me. Since she can't do it herself, I lowered my body so I could hugged and embraced her. I then kissed her too many times. I really wanted to cry but I was just trying to be strong. Seeing my mom in that state did break my heart. It's way too much for her to bear, yet she was trying to be brave still. The only thing I could do at that time was to kiss her because I was also in so much pain having to see her in pain.

Really a saddening story that causes me a heartache whenever I remember it.

=(

26 October 2014

My Sick Mom

I am at loss for words now. I didn't know what to say. My mom's physical health condition is what preoccupies my mind for the last two weeks. Time seemed to take sides with me because I had days off for more than a week now but thinking about my mom's physical condition just crumples my heart and shakes the whole of me. 

It is hard for someone like me who's been worlds apart from her. It is just frustrating for me that I am here and she's there. I immersed into distractions most of the time but still at the end of the day, I can't help but think about my mom. 

I love my mom so much. She is my life. She considers me her one precious gem and I consider her as my very precious gem, too! It just hurts me so much that she's suffering from her sickness. 

Prayers is what I am offering to my mom right now. 
I am fervently praying for her to be brave enough to fight.
So help us GOD.

15 June 2014

Sunday Stealing: 90, part 2

Welcome back to Sunday Stealing which originated on WTIT: The Blog authored by Bud Weiser. Here we will steal all types of memes from every corner of the blogosphere. Our promise to you is that we will work hard to find the most interesting and intelligent memes. You may have heard of the expression, “honor amongst thieves”. In that age-old tradition, we try to credit the blog that we stole it from and we will “fess up” to the blog owner where we stole the meme. We also provide a link to the victim's meme. (It's our way of saying "Thanks!") Sometimes we edit the original meme, to make it more relevant to our global players, to challenge our players, to select the best questions, or simply to make it less repetitive from this new meme or recently asked questions from a previously featured meme. 
Let's go!!!


From Survey Haven:

30. Do you read your horoscope? ***YES! I find my horoscope to be always interesting!:)

31. Where was the last place you bought something? ***McDonalds

32. How do you feel about your hair right now? ***It feels great because I just took a shower

33. Do you bite your nails? ***I don't.

34. Do you have any expensive jewelry? ***No.

35. Have you ever been told you speak fast? ***Yes, most of the time.

36. Is your laugh usually hearty? ***At times.

37. How fast have you driven a car? ***75mph

38. Have you ever smoked? ***No.

39. What was your favorite subject in school? ***English

40. Do you have cell phone provider loyalty? ***Yes.

41. What type of boy or girl do you usually fall for? ***Guys who still practice CHIVALRY.

42. Do you have any hidden talents? ***I think so.

43. Favorite Song? ***Current song which is playing right now: Take GOOD care of YOU AND ME by Dionne Warwick and Jeffrey Osborne

44. Do you like to sing at all? ***YES.

45. Dream Job? ***Being a MOM ;)

46. Where does most of your family live? ***Philippines

47. Are you an only child or do you have siblings? ***I have siblings.

48. Would you consider yourself to be spoiled? ***No. We're not raised to be spoiled.

49. What was the first thing you thought when you woke up? ***What time is it?

50. Do you drink? ***Not much

51. Know any other languages? ***Just English and Filipino

52. Ever write a coded message? ***NO.

53. Have you ever been in someone else's wedding? ***Eversince? Yes, been to most of my friends' weddings

54. Do you have any children? ***No.

55. Did you take a nap today? ***Yes.

56. Who has the same birthday as you? ***Jennifer, Dexter, Sienna

57. Ever met anyone famous before? ***Yup, a famous politician in the country.

58. Do you want to be famous one day? ***Never dreamed of becoming one.

59. Any Pet Peeves? ***I got a few but can't think of what to write for now...

60. Are you multitasking right now? ***Yes, listening to music while taking time to answer these questions

Saturday 9: Oh! My Papa

Welcome to Saturday: 9. What we've committed to our readers is that we will post 9 questions every Saturday. Sometimes the post will have a theme, and at other times the questions will be totally unrelated. Those weeks we do "random questions," so-to-speak. We encourage you to visit other participants posts and leave a comment. Because we don't have any rules, it is your choice. We hate rules. We love memes, however, and here is today's meme! 




If you're not familiar with today's song, you can hear it here.


1) Eddie Fisher starred in a popular 1950s TV show, which was sponsored by Coca Cola. Do you have a favorite soft drink? 
***I love to drink WATER

2) He was notorious for leaving his famous first wife for his very famous second wife. Can you name either of the women involved in this Hollywood scandal?
***I can't remember
3) His oldest daughter, Carrie Fisher, is best known as Princess Leia from Star Wars. Are you a sci-fi fan? 
***Not much of sci-fi fan;)

4) Since Sam's father is particular about his footwear and likes "a good pair of Cole Haan loafers," her Father's Day present to him is a DSW gift card. If we were to give you a gift card to any store or restaurant, which would you choose? 
***I would like a gift card from RED LOBSTERS!;)

5) Sam's father hates it when she swears. When is the last time your cursed? 
***I secretly cursed last week when I got so pissed but can't let them know that I am
6) Sam's father is a voracious reader. So much so that the local librarian knows him on sight and by name. How often do you visit your neighborhood library?
***I've never visited a library yet but a good friend of mine told me to visit one here in Fayette

 7) "A good used car is a better investment than a new car." That's what Sam's dad tells her when she's in the market for wheels. Share some other words of financial wisdom with us. 
***can't think of one right now

8) Every car her father has ever owned had a pro-union bumper sticker. Do you have any bumper stickers on your vehicle?  
***No, but this question here gave me an idea that I better buy one for my car.
9) To celebrate Father's Day, Sam is giving away her father's favorite candy: LifeSavers. Would you prefer a roll of Wild Cherry, Butter Rum, Winter Green or Peppermint?
***would like the PEPPERMINT.

Distraction

It is undeniable that I get homesick at times. Who else doesn't feel that way when family and friends are on the other side of the world? Lucky are those who got families here. I don't say am too unfortunate coz I've got relatives and friends who live near me but the thought of being far from my immediate family and closest friends sometimes make me so sad.

Thank GOD for these distractions!
Sometimes when I feel like going out, I do go out. I love loitering in malls with a friend or at times go somewhere interesting. I also visit friends even if I had to drive many miles to reach their homes. I am just glad that everything is just accessible here for as long as you can pay for the gas and off you go.

Thank really GOD for distractions like these are made!;)

Thanks to YOU

I can't think of a person aside from my family who's got so much time to offer to teach me and boost my confidence and morale, to help me, to inspire me, to walk with me, and to simply just be there for me. You are just an amazing person who showed countless efforts to just make me feel alright, ensuring that I am okay despite the personal struggles I have in terms of adjustment and coping. You simply take my homesickness away by giving me distractions that temporarily not make me think about being far from home. 

I can't think of all the returned favors and the unsolicited help you gave me because they seem to be countless.  Remember how many times we chatted on Facebook even if we used to live miles apart from each other? It's just so surprising to note that we actually had more than 5,000 conversations while I was trying to retrieve it now. You told me your stories about your transition here while at the same time I was telling you most about pressures and stresses at work back there and the updates of my papers before coming in here. I can't forget how you would surprisingly message me wishing me good luck on my physical exam and my embassy interview and in return, I also told you details on how these events went on. When you finally knew about our flight dates in coming here, your messages made me felt like I should not be scared about transitioning here. You even added that my dream of coming here is almost closest to reality. I can remember I had concerns with my immigration fees but you helped me out without much questions and you devoted time to really figure out how. When you learned about where I'd be assigned at, you eagerly offered how you would help me look for a place to stay. Our long distance conversations went on until our flight bound in this country. I can't forget how we still exchanged conversations while we're at Narita, Seattle, and Charlotte Airports.

Now that I am here, you still and always did prove to me that I can always count on you. Seriously, you made a great influence in my life here.

For all that, many, many thank yous from the bottom of my heart!;)
Thank you for making my transition easier, for always giving me something to look forward to with my stay here in this different world far from the world that I used to.

28 February 2014

7 Months Old

I turned seven months old 3 days ago in this foreign country and I should say that I still am in the process of adjusting but there have already been improvements that I could be proud of. One most important thing I gained here is independence. I independently do things on my own. I cook my food, clean the house, do my laundry, throw the trash, do my groceries and decides for myself solely. It is not easy but I have to. Nobody can do these things for me. Thank GOD I have friends with me who keeps an eye for me and who somehow make me feel like am just home.

My only prayer is that may GOD continually bless me because I knew that HE sent me here. I got this very positive feeling that I am just destined to be here to realize what's meant to be realized.;)

Go With The Flow

I once told a friend about how I got confused over some personal matters and she just said I should just laugh at the confusion. The thought of laughing at the confusion was at first not considerable but after taking some time to think about the situation, I somehow did consider just "going with the flow".

For as long as I can take it, I better go with the flow and savor the moments. After all I am counting much on the moments and not on what should have been said. It might still be a puzzle with a few pieces missing but I know in the long run I might be able to find that missing piece that could best give me the answers.

09 February 2014

On Becoming UNhealthy

I would like to think that I am on the process of becoming unhealthy in this side of the world.
Gone were the days when I was sweating out because of abdominal crunches and my hip-hop abs routines. Gone were the days when I was too picky of which foods to eat.
Gone were the days when all I got were veggies and fruits in the fridge.

My lifestyle has changed since I came here.
I eventually gave in to it.
Perhaps I am just too busy to care about becoming unhealthy.

Junk foods, microwavable foods, meat products, cheeseburgers, chocolates --- all these have become part of my routine. The weather itself is not friendly. In this generally cold weather, I just curl myself to bed. I ain't get my body moving. I was never sweating myself out. I got dumbbells but they're just out for display.

How I wish I could regain back my desire of becoming physically fit to become healthy.

Vague

It wasn't a big deal from the start. I thought it's just something I could well adapt on to and something that I can get used to. But I was wrong.

Days rolled into months and it got me confused.
I somehow got used to its routines but it's not helping.
All the more I get confused.

It is just plainly vague.
It's being unclear makes me feel uneasy. 
Worst is, it makes me sad having to think more of it.

Until now I can't still find the answers.
It is just so VAGUE.

21 January 2014

The Dilemma of Being Away

I used to dream big things for myself. It was like a dream come true when I was sent here to work in this other side of the world. As months went on, I realized one thing --- life here is totally different and I miss my family big time! Being the optimistic person that I am, I am trying so hard to combat homesickness and the thought of being away. I go out, I eat a lot out, or hang out with friends. However, I just can't get to hide it when I began to retire for sleep. Endless thoughts of home came flashing on my mind. That usually becomes a temporary thought til I doze off to sleep. It entirely is like a routine for me. Happiness and Homesickness has been a part of my everyday routine. Yet, I am still fighting for the latter. Yes, still fighting! I am just treating homesickness as a normal occurrence. Hence, I still am fighting against it.