04 July 2012

Him.

Okay this is the story that I so long wanted to confess.

Exactly 3 years ago today (that was 2009), we started to exchange messages. Of course, I knew him through the now defunct Friendster random friends, and from there we exchanged numbers. I never thought that the consistency of communication could actually develop into something closest to real friendship. And that's how it all started.

We've been friends for months. With the aid of technology, we used to talk, exchanged SMS, sent emails, sang, laughed, and truly became friends. We shared so many stories about life and our families. We actually were like good friends, though we never really saw each other personally. I did consider that as true friendship. A genuine one.

Until he broke ties with me the day after we happily talked on the phone.
I was blamed for such a shallow reason.
And he left.

It was during those times that I felt the loss.
With my chasing him consistently trying to save the friendship, I realized one thing.
I was drawn to him. I fell for him.

I only got heartaches and humiliations.
At some point, I got sad.
I questioned why we had to meet only to find out that he's not gonna stick with me (not even as a friend).

I tried to be okay for quite some time.
And after a long while, I became so okay.
He'd still occupy my thoughts but not as much as how it was like before.

June 3, 2012 - I got a message from him.
He apologized for the heartaches and humiliations.
I wouldn't have replied but I did.
I told him I've managed to be okay, even without him.
I explained that I took his apologies, yet I still can't forgive him.

For now, I am still trying to be okay despite that some memories of him occupies my thoughts since he sent me an email. However, things are under control. 

Today is the last day that I'm gonna wait for his message.
If there would be no message from him today, it's as good as he put our friendship to an end -- the truth that I'd like to take with me forever.



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