06 February 2011

Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow

***This is a copy of the message I sent to someone who meant so much but had to let GO.

YESTERDAY, it was nice looking back at those good old memories we had, those sensible conversations that gave us a great sense of comfort. I knew in a way, I made yourself comfortable as evidenced by the lengthy conversations that we had. We talked about almost everything, even the not-so-important things which became something-to-talk-about later. Too bad, your heart have hardened with that one single incident and wrecking that once beautiful friendship despite my apologies even if that time I wasn't really sure if I was really to be blamed for its wreckage. I even chased after that friendship trying so hard to bring it back, but I failed until such time that I felt I was too drawn with the 'chase' - one stupid mistake I've made. The most stupid thing? I fell for someone, someone who used to be a friend but instantly became a stranger at some point, a 'someone' whom I knew could never be mine. Stupid thing, isn't it? I should say, it was hard moving on. I was lurked into situations which I never imagined I could experienced. But one thing I've learned about yesterday, it made me realized that I am still capable enough to care, despite considering myself having a hardened heart. I even became stronger. That most unforgettable part of yesterday was the good old memories we've shared where we can really be ourselves, that part of yesterday where good friendship was shared.

TODAY, I am thankful for every lesson learned in our friendship. Despite it's failure to make it work, I got many lessons to take with me as I go on with life. I am grateful having you as an instrument to make me become a strong person. You made me realized so many things to learn. I've learned to accept that some things aren't meant to be, that there just things not destined for me. I've even accepted the fact that I may not ever rebuild friendship with you. How much more in the art of loving, where I can never be your special someone because of the fact that I am not just the type of girl you would fall for. Acceptance really plays the key today. I am just so glad that despite the faults of that so-called friendship, bitterness is out of the picture. I didn't feel any of it. I never even entertained hatred and anger. I've learned to confidently deal with it.

TOMORROW, I know things will be better for me. I know something great is in store for me and I am very positive that I'd be facing my 'tomorrows' bravely because I've grown to become a strong and a confident person. My 2010 may be a painful year for chasing a lost friendship but perhaps a year of chasing is enough. I'd like to face my 2011 without ever thinking of chasing over that broken friendship. I'd like to totally move on, away from all the thoughts that used to envelop the whole of me. I want to have a peace of mind - my greatest wish for this year. I want to be FULLY happy. I became selfless for many years, and this time I'd like to focus on myself. I want you to be happy too. I also wish that the bitterness, anger, and hatred you might have for me will be totally gone, will be forever gone. I'd like to think only of the happy memories of my 'yesterdays' with your wonderful friendship, and nothing more. I'd like to keep the gift of your 'person' as one of my best memories.

I love you my friend and I will forever be grateful for that once beautiful friendship built.

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