05 July 2016

i am at it again 
on to this cycle of love and being heartbroken

at one point, i became happy because of this one great person i knew
no label in the relationship, yet we were happy
then i fell for him, secretly
i cared so much about him
i sometimes tell him indirectly how i feel and he just laugh at me, always
yet i knew he never liked me as more of a friend
coz had he liked me, he would have told me
awkward moments came next
then time became so mean
i miss his company
i miss him
i started to get hurt
coz i miss how we once were
now there came another girl in the picture
she took the place where i used to.
them always seeing each other
without me knowing it
and i feel like am being left out
suddenly jealousy hits me
i can't help it
i wanted to explode, breakdown, cry, and get mad at the person
yet i never had any right
coz there's never an "us"

this is my story.

22 March 2015

Elton John at the Crown Coliseum 031115

It was an amazing experience to witness Elton John's concert at the Crown Coliseum held in Fayetteville,NC last March 11, 2015. Elton John is really a legend, a very unforgettable music icon with marvelous contributions in the music industry.


I've stumbled into this on Twitter and realized that this is what I want in a man, in a relationship.
Thanks Twitter poster for this.

18 December 2014

My Last Moments with Mama

I never thought I would lose my Mom too soon but death did take her life unexpectedly and I personally was caught unprepared. We were still chatting on Facebook a month before she died. I was even glad because she and Papa just submitted themselves to routine lab exams without me telling them to. However, death is really like a thief in the night and took away my mom's life in a span of one month. 

The moment I knew she was admitted in the hospital, I got scared. I could not keep myself still. I was even more afraid when I learned that she's in a very difficult situation like the hospital scenarios I used to get involved with when patients are battling between life and death. I terribly cried upon seeing her pictures and I could not imagine that her every breath at that time was solely dependent on the breathing machine she was put on. 

I was so lost then. I could not eat well. I lost focus at work. I sometimes break out and cry because I can't help it. I got preoccupied of the many possibilities that might happen -- whether she's going to survive and be saved, or the other way around which happened to be my greatest fear -- my fear of losing her.

The first time I saw her in her most difficult situation, I held back my tears. I didn't want her to see me cry. I talked to her in a soft, yet shaky voice that I've gone home for her. My heart's been crumpled and in pain having to witness the physical changes within her. It was totally different, I should say. The most heartwarming and the most significant part at that moment was when she extended her left arm, attempted to hug me which eventually made me bent down to hug and kiss her, with tears in her eyes. I cried heavily when I was out from her sight. My mom should not have suffered that much. A very good person like my Mom did not deserve to suffer. In the next few hours, the family have decided to let her go. It was actually hard telling her to let go because we won't be seeing her anymore but it was more heartbreaking if she had to continuously hold on. We prayed for one thing at that time -- that she would be as comfortable as possible until she's ready to let go.

I was there with Mama moments before she died. She was more comfortable and relaxed compared to the first two days since I got home. I've seen her deteriorating. I held her hand, rubbed her arm, talked to her -- with tears in my eyes. When the cardiac monitor evidently went to flat line, I kissed her in the forehead, hugged her for the last time, and whispered, "You are finally pain-free, Mama. I will miss you terribly. The Heavens are excited to welcome another good soul such as yours."

26 November 2014

One Fine Day

It's that one fine day
When everything seems to be in place
When all your worries have been erased
And this one pic seems to soothe the depths of my soul