18 December 2014

My Last Moments with Mama

I never thought I would lose my Mom too soon but death did take her life unexpectedly and I personally was caught unprepared. We were still chatting on Facebook a month before she died. I was even glad because she and Papa just submitted themselves to routine lab exams without me telling them to. However, death is really like a thief in the night and took away my mom's life in a span of one month. 

The moment I knew she was admitted in the hospital, I got scared. I could not keep myself still. I was even more afraid when I learned that she's in a very difficult situation like the hospital scenarios I used to get involved with when patients are battling between life and death. I terribly cried upon seeing her pictures and I could not imagine that her every breath at that time was solely dependent on the breathing machine she was put on. 

I was so lost then. I could not eat well. I lost focus at work. I sometimes break out and cry because I can't help it. I got preoccupied of the many possibilities that might happen -- whether she's going to survive and be saved, or the other way around which happened to be my greatest fear -- my fear of losing her.

The first time I saw her in her most difficult situation, I held back my tears. I didn't want her to see me cry. I talked to her in a soft, yet shaky voice that I've gone home for her. My heart's been crumpled and in pain having to witness the physical changes within her. It was totally different, I should say. The most heartwarming and the most significant part at that moment was when she extended her left arm, attempted to hug me which eventually made me bent down to hug and kiss her, with tears in her eyes. I cried heavily when I was out from her sight. My mom should not have suffered that much. A very good person like my Mom did not deserve to suffer. In the next few hours, the family have decided to let her go. It was actually hard telling her to let go because we won't be seeing her anymore but it was more heartbreaking if she had to continuously hold on. We prayed for one thing at that time -- that she would be as comfortable as possible until she's ready to let go.

I was there with Mama moments before she died. She was more comfortable and relaxed compared to the first two days since I got home. I've seen her deteriorating. I held her hand, rubbed her arm, talked to her -- with tears in my eyes. When the cardiac monitor evidently went to flat line, I kissed her in the forehead, hugged her for the last time, and whispered, "You are finally pain-free, Mama. I will miss you terribly. The Heavens are excited to welcome another good soul such as yours."



26 November 2014

One Fine Day



It's that one fine day
When everything seems to be in place
When all your worries have been erased
And this one pic seems to soothe the depths of my soul

My Heartbreaking Story

When I was told to go home because Mom wasn't doing any good, I was able to buy a ticket within four hours and the flight taking place in the next 24 hours. Immediately informed my superior that I won't be reporting for work anymore. The whole time I endured my almost 24-hour flight, I was preoccupied with thoughts of how I would react seeing mom in her most difficult situation. The moment I saw her, my heart got crumpled because she was indeed suffering. I wanted to cry but I didn't want her to see me cry. I held back my tears trying not to let them fall. I was very much happy when she extended her hand, acting like she's gonna hug me. Since she can't do it herself, I lowered my body so I could hugged and embraced her. I then kissed her too many times. I really wanted to cry but I was just trying to be strong. Seeing my mom in that state did break my heart. It's way too much for her to bear, yet she was trying to be brave still. The only thing I could do at that time was to kiss her because I was also in so much pain having to see her in pain.

Really a saddening story that causes me a heartache whenever I remember it.

=(

26 October 2014

My Sick Mom

I am at loss for words now. I didn't know what to say. My mom's physical health condition is what preoccupies my mind for the last two weeks. Time seemed to take sides with me because I had days off for more than a week now but thinking about my mom's physical condition just crumples my heart and shakes the whole of me. 

It is hard for someone like me who's been worlds apart from her. It is just frustrating for me that I am here and she's there. I immersed into distractions most of the time but still at the end of the day, I can't help but think about my mom. 

I love my mom so much. She is my life. She considers me her one precious gem and I consider her as my very precious gem, too! It just hurts me so much that she's suffering from her sickness. 

Prayers is what I am offering to my mom right now. 
I am fervently praying for her to be brave enough to fight.
So help us GOD.

15 June 2014

Relationship RULES!;)

I liked a Facebook Page named as Relationship Rules and I am always surprise by the quotes they share. No wonder they hit the 2.5M "likes" in FB.

These are the two recent quotes that I like which are all self-explanatory:

                                                Photo Credits: Relationship Rules

Well, these are all self explanatory and these hit me the most these days. I just can't post or share it in Facebook at this time. ;)

Thank you Relationship Rules for all the inspiring thoughts you shared on your page!;)